he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you win again, gameday.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
