I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
