I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
