Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
