we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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