I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
