I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
