Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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