I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
