I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
