Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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