Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
