I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize