i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
