i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
