I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
