Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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