dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
