oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
