I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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