is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
