tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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