I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
