I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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