he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
