2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
