My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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