dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
