The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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