i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
