with your own penis?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
