Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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