3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
