The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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