I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
they need to just BURY HIM!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
