is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
