so let's talk penis.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
