nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
