eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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