I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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