Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
