Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
