the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
