He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
