Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
