I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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