This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
