I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
