Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
