I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
