he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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