hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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