I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
me + whiskey = a bad person
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
