dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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