i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
