Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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