Barsexuality is the new black.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
