i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
