Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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