I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
