"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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