I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
