Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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