All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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