What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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