there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
