this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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