Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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