Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
