proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
