I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
