No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
