So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i think my cat just said my name.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
