So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
