this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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