the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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