I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize