my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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