this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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