I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Randomize
