this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
