Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
