I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
