Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize