Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
