Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
