Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
