You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
