and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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