I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
